Sorry
by Tori101
Summary: Some things we can’t avoid. Some things we try to avoid. Whatever happened that night, they’ll never know if it was wrong. But something definitely changed between them, but was it for the better? Or the worse? KxL
1. No Avoiding It

**Sorry**

Some things we can't avoid. Some things we try to avoid. Whatever happened that night, they'll never know if it was wrong. But something definitely changed between them, but was it for the better? Or the worse? KxL

**_Disclaimer_**: I don't own Gundam Seed.

_Rated M just to be safe_

**Chapter 1 No Avoiding It**

A hard knock on the door broke her out of her thoughts. Her breathing was fast and short, nervousness gripping her around the throat. She didn't have anymore time to think about it: _Just do it_. Cold sweat dripping down her neck caused her to shiver slightly in the warm room. She didn't have time for this, she couldn't think, just act.

_Just do it._

Silently walking towards the door, she took in a deep, sharp breath before placing her sweating palm over the door knob. Clenching her jaw, and wincing her eyes slightly, she began to turn the knob, letting her only shield of the thick wood door fall open.

_You have to._

Within moments, she could feel his hot breath on her cheek and his arm around her waist as he used his free arm to close and lock the door. No one would interrupt. Lips were pressed to hers in a bruising kiss and all she could do was lean into it. A hand came between her legs and under the simple dress she wore and stroked her thigh, gently caressing her skin. The simple act sent warning waves through her body, but she didn't care, she had no choice in this matter.

A simple tug on her dress that she was barely able to feel caused her to bite her lip and clench her hands into fists against his chest. She knew what was coming, and it made her feel sick to her stomach. But he was eager, and his lips broke from hers to nip at her ear. A silent sigh of remorse and regret left her lips and she guided his hand to her back where the zipper to her dress was. She felt a cold sensation flow over her back as he unzipped her dress, allowing it to fall from her chest. She'd worn a sleeveless dress because of this reason.

_All just for him, because…_

His lips returned to hers and they began to back up towards the bed. Her silent voice was screaming in her head, _"You can't do this, stop it now! Before it gets too far!"_ But she ignored it, well, tried to. He sensed her hesitation and his hands traveled up her bare back to gently stroke her skin, and his other hand softly cradled her neck as he kissed her more deeply. Her skin was burning, and his fingers felt freezing. It should have soothed her, made her warm. But instead, it made her skin turn cold as ice where he touched her. They fell onto the bed, him on top of her, his hand on her back gently and slowly drifting over her body to her hip. Then his fingers slid the last piece of clothing off of her. She was completely exposed. _"Please, I beg you, stop…"_ her inner voice called softly to her. She could no longer hear that voice as he quickly removed his own clothes.

"_Traitor…"her body seemed to say._

There was no warning, now preparation. Before she even knew it, it was happening. All she could do was lay there and let it. She held no control over the situation. All she held now was pain. The soft touches stopped. The passionate kisses turned rough and forceful. The gentle feeling left, and was replaced by immense pain. If anything she wanted to scream, but no one would hear her. There was nothing to do but bare the pain, the guilt, and the regret.

_It's almost done…_

Her skin was set aflame again and every inch burned. His hold wasn't icy anymore, but felt like daggers slitting through her skin. This feeling was Hell and ten times over. If she could have made it stop, she would have, but she knew only the sun's early morning rays could grant her peace. If only it would come sooner…She winced and felt tears nearly come to her eyes and she arched her back not from pleasure but immense pain. Her body trembled and fell limply back onto the bed.

Something searing hot seemed to fill her and she broke away from his lips to scream, finally. But unknowing lips found hers again and she tried to lift her hand to push him away. But he simply found it distracting and grabbed her wrist and held it down to the bed. Her eyes opened and he immediately pulled away and leaned over her. He stared down at her, his eyes searching hers. Her crystal clear gaze faded and her eye lids slowly closed as her body became limp and rested softly on the bed. If he hadn't been holding her neck still, her head would have fallen onto the bed as well.

_I told you it was almost over…

* * *

_

His eyes softened and he gently let go of her, the pained look on her face making him feel waves of guilt wash over him. Her breathing was in long, but hollow breaths. He found his clothes and quickly put them back on. Afterward, he lifted the blankets on the bed and covered her with them.

Retreating from her bedside and turning off the light that had dimly lit the room, he walked towards the door. Before leaving, he cast a guilty glance over his shoulder and sighed. He walked towards her vanity and took a small sheet of paper from his pocket, and stuck it between the fram and mirror of the vanity. Written on it was a note. He'd had a feeling he'd be leaving like this, and had written it ahead of time. Before he closed the door, he gave a parting glance to the girl sleeping, and closed the door.

* * *

When the sun's rays fell through the window, they shined directly into the face of a sleeping girl. Her pastel pink hair shined brightly like fine silk thread, but her pale skin had a near sickly glow. Cracking open her eyes, she winced from the bright sunlight, and groaned from the pain between her legs. Sitting up, her eyes widened as she recalled what had happened last night. Her hand flew to her forehead and she began panting, her fear snaking its fingers around her throat, and its icy fangs biting into her heart.

But then the rays of sunlight reminded her that she was safe. A sad smile crept onto her lips, but as she turned her head, she noticed something stuck in her vanity. Slipping out of her bed, she felt her body shiver deftly. She saw her image reflected in the vanity mirror, and reached for her sheet to wrap around herself.

Stumbling a bit, she made her way to the vanity and saw the object that was catching her attention. It was a folded piece of paper stuck between the mirror and the frame. She knew it had to be from him, but she didn't want to really touch it, but she knew he'd wanted her to read it. With trembling fingers, she reached out and took the paper. Opening it, her eyes widened and her breath became caught in her throat.

Without warning, a sudden pain rushed from her stomach to between her legs, and she felt as though every morsel of food she'd ever eaten was going to come back up. And it did, at least what little she'd had for dinner the other night. But after draining her stomach, she collapsed, falling to the floor as pain erupted through out her whole body. Using what little strength she had left, she gave out a terrified scream, hoping someone would hear her.

Written on the paper were three simple words that meant console her, but would never would. Written in his handwriting, he'd said: **I'm Sorry Lacus**. The girl shuddered and felt as though someone was choking her. With a final whisper before slipping into a painful slumber, only one word echoed in her mind. "Kira…" she choked out softly, before blackness wrapped her in its cold embrace.

**I plan to try and type chapter 2 sometime tomorrow. Please bare with me on the story, it'll get better, I promise on my undying, passionate, never ending love of Kira! Hear that fangirls? He's MINE! Or Lacus's…heheheheh…Please let me know what you think!**


	2. Yume

**Sorry**

**_Disclaimer_**: I don't own Gundam Seed.

**Chapter 2 Yume**

Pulling up to the house, Athrun sighed. Things between him and Cagalli weren't going so well, and with Kira just floating around everywhere, he wasn't sure how Lacus was taking it. Turning the ignition off, the blue haired coordinator stepped out of his car and slammed the door shut.

Walking up to the front door, he rang the doorbell and waited. He rang it again and still no answer. He sighed in frustration, but then reasoned with himself_. 'She must be in the shower or something. She might even be sleeping still.'_ The man kneeled down and lifted a flower pot to find the spare key. "Too predictable Lacus," Athrun mused to himself as he put the key in the lock and opened the door.

Stepping inside the house, he noticed it was oddly silent. "Lacus?" he called loudly, hoping she'd come from one of the rooms and greet him. When she didn't, he felt a strange feeling of nervousness prick the hairs on his neck. 'She must still be sleeping,' the only problem Athrun had with that thought was the fact that Lacus was always an early riser. No matter how late it was when she went to bed, she usually always woke up around six or seven. At the latest eight.

The man made his way to the stair well and without even taking his shoes off, he hurried up the stairs. Sure Lacus would be mad at him, but he had to stop the growing flame of fear in the pit of his stomach. He reached the upstairs hallway and walked towards the first door he saw. He opened it, only to find it was a bathroom. The next door was a guest bedroom. He checked the other room, but it wasn't her room either. At least there was only one door left.

Taking the door knob in his hand, he opened the door and asked softly, "Lacus?" in case she was sleeping. He saw no one in the bed, but it looked as though she'd just woken up. He frowned, and stepped further into the room and looked towards the other end of the room and his eyes widened. "Lacus!" Athrun yelled in shock and hurried towards the body on the floor by the vanity.

His soldier instincts taking over, Athrun checked her wrists and neck for her pulse and placed a hand on her chest over her heart to feel its beating; a light pink blush crossing his cheeks. He was relieved to see nothing seemed to be wrong on the outside. He gently lifted her up to a sitting position with her body leaning against his. The pained look on her face was hard to miss, and he couldn't help but feel sorry for her. He didn't know why, but he just felt that kind of sadness around her.

Sliding a hand under her knees and bracing her body against his, he lifted her up and carried her to her bed before laying her down. He looked over at the place he'd found her, and his trained eye found a small sheet of paper. It had a crease in the middle as though it'd been folded, and he guessed Lacus had been looking at it. Walking over to it, he bent over to pick it up, and stood up straight once more and unfolded the natural fold the crease gave it. His eyes widened in recognition as he read the note and recognized the handwriting. He glared at the paper and sent a worried glance over his shoulder to Lacus. As he walked out of the room, he closed the door softly.

Making his way into the kitchen, Athrun placed his arms on the counter and took in a deep breath. The note was clutched tightly in his hand, as if taking part of a stress ball. He stayed like this for a few moments, deep in thought. Finally closing his eyes and sighing deeply, he stood and walked towards the garbage can. He ripped the note in half and dropped the pieces into it before slamming the lid shut.

* * *

**Six months later**

Athrun brought the hot bowl of soup up the stairs and walked down the hallway to Lacus's bedroom door. It was closed, like always. It would have been locked if he hadn't gone to the hardware store and bought a new door knob that couldn't be locked.

"Lacus?" he called softly before opening the door and stepping into her room. He closed the door behind him, and frowned in concern towards the woman looking out the window. She was staring at the sunset and frowning. Her mind was someplace else. It always was now, she was just a shell. She rarely spoke, rarely ate. He never left her alone too long, worried about her. Six months ago he'd moved out of his apartment and into the guest bedroom down the hall.

He didn't trust her to be alone.

She'd tried killing herself once or twice, and it'd been him who stopped her, trying to force sense into her. He didn't understand her anymore. She wasn't the Lacus Clyne he used to know. It seemed as if anything, she'd died.

It was painful for him to see her this way, so broken and depressed. Her eyes had faded to a grayish blue, and they weren't as clear as they used to be. Her skin never did return to its healthy glow. And her once beautiful, long, pastel colored hair was now dull and flat. It was clean, but not shining. The woman's attitude seemed to have been what kept her alive, and now, for some reason unknown to him, she was dying on the inside.

He didn't know how, or why, but he just had a feeling his best friend Kira had had something to do with this. Whenever he thought of the brunette, a unquenchable fire of anger flared up inside of him. Lacus, as close as they had once been, nearly even lovers if you could call it that, was really just like a sister to him. His little sister he had to protect, and somehow along the way he'd failed. A voice broke him out of his thoughts, a voice he hadn't heard in such a long time.

"Athrun," the woman whispered, her voice hushed to a soft whisper. The man walked closer to her and set the bowl down, shock entering his body from Lacus's simple word. "W-what is it?" he asked with great curiosity. Lacus winced, and placed a hand on her stomach. She felt as though she was going to throw up. "Athrun, something's wrong…" she whispered before groaning quietly as her fingers gripped the arm of the chair she was sitting in till her knuckles turned white. The coordinator hurried over to her and kneeled beside her, staring up into her face wondering what was causing her pain.

The woman cried out and doubled over, clutching her stomach tightly. "Athrun, I need to see a doctor," she whispered before blacking out and falling into his arms. He stared bewilderedly at her and held her close. Looking towards the chair, he noticed blood, and he looked down to see blood thickly trickling down her leg from up in her skirt. His eyes widened and he quickly set her down before rushing to her nightstand and picking up the phone. He dialed the number quickly, and said as calmly as he could, "I need an ambulance, quickly." he then stated the address and the person on the receiving line assured him the ambulance would be there soon.

Athrun turned to look worriedly at Lacus after hanging up. In a few minutes, he heard an ambulance siren, and not long after people rushing into the house. "Lacus," he mumbled as a man and woman in white uniforms entered the room.

* * *

Athrun sat in the waiting room in the hospital, his head in his hands. She'd been in the Emergency Room for two and a half hours. Whatever was wrong with Lacus had to be his fault, he was the one who had been taking care of her all this time. He should have noticed something.

A nurse came up to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Excuse me, Mr. Zala? There are some questions I need to ask you." Athrun looked up with worried eyes.

"Is she all right?" The woman nodded.

"She's sedated right now, not that she needs it," the woman added.

Athrun sighed in relief; she was okay, she was going to be okay. "Mr. Zala, who do you know Ms. Clyne?" Athrun looked up at the nurse and stumbled for words. He looked down at his knees,

"I've been living with her for six months now." he replied.

The nurse checked a clipboard and sighed before asking the next question. "Mr. Zala, in that time, have you done anything…_intimate_…with Ms. Clyne?" Athrun stared up at her in bewilderment.

"What? Of course not!"

The nurse nodded, and asked the next question with a bit of worry in her voice. "Mr. Zala, what is your relationship with Ms. Clyne?" Athrun sighed and looked down; he'd been half expecting this question.

"We're just friends." he stated quietly. "Very close friends. She like a sister to me,"

The nurse winced and sat down in the chair next to Athrun. A concerned, motherly look on her face. She glanced at the clipboard to assure herself of his name, and grasped his hand in her own in a friendly way. "Athrun," she began softly, "The doctors examined your friend, and found the source of the bleeding. In a way it was internal, but not fatal. Your friend was pregnant." Athrun's mind froze_. 'Pregnant? Lacus was… how could she-?'_ his thoughts swam until the woman squeezed his hand to continue. "Athrun, the doctors needed to perform a cesarean section. Do you know what that is?" Athrun nodded. _'A C-section…'_

The woman felt sorry for the young man, but continued with a steady voice. "Athrun, the baby was born premature. It was only six months old." Athrun felt the flame of anger ignite in his veins once more. _'This is all Kira's fault, he did this to her-'_ The nurse whispered something, and he froze. "W-what did you just say?" he asked, his voice weaker than Lacus's. The nurse didn't have tears in her eyes; she was used to this kind of thing. But that didn't stop her heart from breaking every time she did this. "_Athrun, the baby was stillborn. The baby's dead_." she whispered. It took all of him to hold himself together long enough to tell the nurse he wanted to be left alone at that moment.

When she left, she didn't look back as the man gripped his knees tightly and let hot tears roll down his cheeks. He trembled, but then broke down crying. He tried to stop the tears, but he just couldn't. Lacus was like family to him, and he was feeling this loss deeply. No a quarter of what Lacus would feel, but it still pained him a lot. May the baby's death was his fault. Lacus was malnourished; she wasn't taking proper care of herself. And that's because he only made her eat when she really needed to. He never knew, and suspected she didn't either, that she was eating for two.

* * *

It was another two hours before the doctors let Athrun see Lacus. He could see she'd been awake for awhile, and crying. She glanced at him, but then averted her gaze to look out the window at the starless night sky. A full moon beamed down to them, lighting the room slightly. Athrun could see in her arms was a small bundle wrapped in a white blanket. She held it softly to her chest, and tears streaked down her face. "Athrun, please turn off the light…" she begged quietly. Athrun did so and went to sit beside her hospital bed.

He noticed that her eyes were no longer blue gray, but had returned to their crystalline blue. Only her tears made her eyes look watery.

She looked down at the bundle in her arms and with her free hand; she gently stroked the cheek of the stillborn infant. "It's my fault, isn't it? If I hadn't stayed in my depression, I wouldn't have lost her." her voice cracked and she trembled. Her tears dripped from her cheeks and onto the pale skin of the infant's cheek. Lacus quickly used her thumb to gently wipe the water away.

Athrun felt as though his heart was being ripped apart. How was Lacus dealing with this? He didn't know what was happening inside of her, and he was scared. She lost her baby, before it could even take its first breath of air. Before she could even look down into its face and whisper 'I love you' to it. Just like that, it was already gone.

Lacus shuddered and continued to look down into the baby's face. She gently stroked its head where dark brown fuzz had grown. "She looked like him, I think the doctor said she had blue eyes, but I can't remember. I can't believe I did this…" she whispered to herself as she clutched the baby closer. Athrun reached out to place a hand on her shoulder, but thought better of it. His comforting wouldn't help. Her baby was gone, and she thought it was her fault. Not to mention the man that did this to her wasn't even here, nor did he know about his child. And Athrun really couldn't care less. But either way, his comforting wouldn't help her at all.

Lacus felt the full barrage of her tears fall from her eyes and she did nothing to stop them. She didn't care; she just wished she was dead. She wished she was dead, yet the baby be alive. But that was only a dream she would hope to have every night. That's when she stopped crying enough to choke out, "Her name is Yume, Yume is the perfect name." she mumbled before her tears fell, making her loose control of her voice as she wept.

Athrun just placed a hand near her, and she turned to him with grief in her eyes, and thanks in her weak, forced smile. She gripped his hand tightly, and allowed him to caress the baby's soft head that was no larger than an orange. He pulled his hand away and Lacus cradled her child in a loving embrace that she would never feel. Athrun watched with sorrowful eyes. Yume was a perfect name, because her very life would be a dream to her mother.

**Ah, I'm crying so badly I can't even see what keys I'm typing! Thank God for spell-check! Anyway, I know this chapter was very sad, yet very fast paced and uninformative. I'm aware I skipped around as if playing hop-scotch, but hey, not my problem. Next chapter should come around sometime soon…I think and hope…damn my room is stuffy…**


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